Crayons & "Now-ness" :)

"The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly."

~ Buddha

My eyes lock with hers and we break into laughter. I don’t know what is so funny and honestly, I don’t really care – what is better then laughter?

We squeal together, not caring who hears us (then again, no one is home). We laugh and laugh and laugh before a short break to breath….and then we keep laughing.

Coloring has never been so fun. I look down at my picture, with its identifiable subject and glance at hers, a beautiful mesh of pink and orange and blue and red and green and brown. There are no shapes, no boundaries, no distinct subject.

And I admit, I am jealous.

How can a two year old out color me?

Sure, my drawing might easily be defined at a “dog” but what’s the fun in that? It’s all outlined in society’s expectations of what a “dog” should look like….it must have ears, eyes, nose, tail, legs. I want something with no previous societal expectations. I want something that is pure randomness yet stands for something in MY mind.

Picking up a crayon in my right hand, my left hand feels empty and bare.

I watch Paige color, absorbed in her own world, and begin to copy her.

Its hard.

Like really hard.

My mind thinks “oh I should make a circle here for an eye” or “maybe I should color in the ear now.” But I stop, turn the paper upside down and draw a squiggle. And then another. And another. And I just keep going.

I am totally captivated by coloring. I am totally captivated by the moment, really.

And I feel the same way I did when I climbed up mountains in India or when I (attempted) to talk to local Ladakhis with a various of hilarious gestures or when I helped Benoy in the SECMOL kitchen or when I would lie by the Indus, staring up at beautifully blue sky.

I felt alive.

I felt in the moment, happy for the sake of happiness, lost in the “now-ness.”

And I am happy to feel it here, knowing that lowering my boundaries might just be the perfect way to feel “now-ness.”