Its been a year. I can't believe that she has been gone a year already. I feel like yesterday I was riding and Lisa was right there with me, teaching in her perfect quiet ways, both while riding and on the ground. I miss her so much.
I've learned that it is okay to cry, to be sad, to reflect back on those memories. It makes me sad but also all the more appreciative of having her in my life. I owe Lisa so much - for giving me the courage of coming on this trip and really embracing every moment, especially in the last 3 1/2 months. I think of her quote often about loving every day here in Ladakh because I can see clearly what she means. It is hard for me not to embrace every moment here, to be so grateful that I am on this trip. I hope desperately that I will be able to continue that when I get home.
I remember that night so clearly in my head, completely blinded by doing anything but looking through the hundreds of photos I had taken of her in previous days. I could barely see the screen through my tears at some points, reliving moment after moment with her. I was in such a shock that she gone and I think that in many ways I still am.
Earlier this year (maybe fall, maybe summer?) I saw a white truck pull in and without thinking for a moment I thought "oh Lisa is back! I should go say hi." But by the time I had walked into the barn I was back in reality, crushed again by the everlasting shock of her absence. It hurt me even more to see Danilo in the aisle, staring at the truck, a smile on his face. It took a second before I saw the….sadness, shock, realization of reality cross his face as well. I know that I am not the only one still struggling and that comforts me. I have a barn family that is strong, we are family so we have our ups and downs but we all are there to support each other. And for that, I am infinitely grateful.
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