Once again I am at a loss of words to describe this past week. How can I possibly describe dinner at SECMOL, my science class, washing my hair or helping cook breakfast in one blog post when each moment could probably write a paper by itself?

One of my favorite times of the day is right after dinner when announcements and speeches (all in Ladakhi) have commenced. Sometimes the small school shop opens up and I will splurge on a little chocolate for a few cents, its plastic texture making me long for an American dessert. But what I love most is living completely in the moment with the SECMOLpas and just goofing off. D.K. Chosegyen, a boy I don’t know and several VISpas always end up fighting and teasing each other. D.K. and I get into “nunba” or “crazy” fights where we try to call each other the most crazy in our respective languages. It tends to involve a lot of hat stealing, scarf strangling and wrestling on the rugs. I never expected that I would loose myself so completely in a moment – be so focused on just the moment. I expected to question myself, make friends and grow as a person but I never thought I would come half way around the world to be so…childish.

On Thursday we spent the morning summiting our first “Himalayan Peak,” SECMOL mountain. Compared to its surrounding siblings it is a rolling hill, a baby at an estimated 13,000 feet (estimation made by Tashi). Running down the stairs still leaves me out of breath, my body still struggling with the altitude adjustment, so climbing, sometimes crawling upwards, felt insane. But when I reached the top everything is worth it. The 360 views were “nunba” and I could see Kardongla pass, the world’s highest motor able pass, and ____, the snow leopard capital of the world. Prayer flags rippled at the top, mirroring my own excitement. These mountains have been here for an approximate fifty million years (thanks Holly & Environmental Science) and have seen the change. They lie witness to the change of earth, society and life and I am somehow lucky enough to be standing in their presence.

“Home” feels like a million miles away, a distant dream and it sort of scares me and it sort of makes me happy. I am totally okay with having “home” be a dream…. Because what is “home?” Attachment is mentioned so warily in Buddhism (thanks Nate & Ladakh Then and Now) but I still wonder if I am lesser of a person for not having that deep connection to a place, person or idea. I have been asked several times by Ladakhis “What is your religion?” and I feel so estranged when I have no choice to respond, “I don’t know yet.” I have no desire to find some great belief or religion to follow but that scares me at times too. I am glad that I am dependent on myself but am I missing some great part of life? Because, for the most part, I love my life.

Love from Ladakh,

Taylor